Summer Camp

Like any parent worth her family allowance check, I know that no summer camp is good enough for my children. Yes, I remember the brochures, and the visit the owner paid me last winter. But that was months ago, when snow was on the ground and I could look at the whole thing from an objective point of view. After all, what could be wrong with a summer camp in January? But now it’s July, and my little girls are out there in all that vast wilderness!

Our two daughters are away at camp this summer, and I hate it. The trouble is, they’re the only two kids I’ve got that are any help around the house—the only ones who can make their own beds and take a decent message on the phone. Why couldn’t they take the five-year-old who whines, or the baby who still wets the bed?

There are advantages, of course, to having two daughters at summer camp. The laundry load is lighter, and sometimes I can actually see over the pile on the ironing board. Mind you, I paid dearly for the privilege. While other women went gallivanting to luncheons and matinees, I spent half the winter at home sewing name tapes onto everything that didn’t get up and walk away.

We got our first letters from the kids a week after they left—missives that looked as though they’d been written on the high seas during a typhoon. The following (suitably edited) are a few samples:

Dear Mum & Dad,
Yesterday we unpacked quick as a flash and the only thing I have left to do is arrange my shelf. For dinner we had bar-b-q spare ribs and fried rice and chicken wings and lemonade. It was supposed to be Chinese food. Tonight is social and I dont know what to wear. But Im not worrying. Bye now! Please! Write! P.S. My shelf is done now!

Dear Mum & Dad,
As they say in the song, why dont you write me? I am writing my 3rd letter to you and its only the 2nd day of camp and you have not written back!!! Please!! Do not hesitate to write! P.S. Write 5 times a week! Do it!

Dear Mum & Dad,
There is 10 minutes til super! Gotta put on my socks! Hold on a minute! There! Well, I’ve got to go now! Bye! P.S. There is no P.S.

Dear Mum & Dad,
Last night I got a sore throte and a headacke and the nurse gave me asprin. She seems to know how to handle my case. Anyway, I felt much better after the rash broke out.

Dear Mum & Dad,
This isnt going to be my usual jolly letter because I HATE CAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It ruins my summer!!! I made a calender so I can cross off each day til I can come home. I do not have time to tell you more because I have to make my counsler a get well card.

Dear Mum & Dad,
Its madning when you cant think of anything to say.

Hi Folks!
Nothing to say exept I have swoln glands. Its probly mumps. I made copper enamel earings for you but the counsler put cuffling backs on them. Anyway, I lost one.

Dear Folks,
TONIGHTS THE NIGHT!! I’ll write you the details tomorrow.

The next letter said they both spent a week in the infirmary for a variety of reasons, any one of which would panic the Board of Health. Then we heard nothing for two agonizing weeks. Their father, of course, was frantic. I wasn’t in the least concerned; I just happened to be passing the phone when I made those seven long distance calls.

I’m not going to give their absence another thought. I’ll just go into their rooms, mess up their beds, throw their dirty underwear on the floor, lock the bathroom door and empty the refrigerator. Then it’ll be a cinch to pretend that they never left home.