Definitions Re-Defined

Words don’t seem to have the same meaning today as they did when I went to school. A generation ago, when you looked up a word in the dictionary, its meaning was written right there in black and white. There was no arguing about it. Everyone simply accepted it.

Today, the definitions of these very same words have taken on a whole new meaning. To illustrate my point, I’ve jotted down a few of the more flagrant examples. (The definitions associated with these words today are given in brackets.)

MEN: Adult male persons. (Unless they’re being described by a militant feminist, in which case men are male chauvinist pigs driven by an overweening sense of inferiority to disriminate physically, emotionally and financially against all women.)

GO-GO DANCER: An adult female who gyrates to frenetic music on a prominently displayed platform or stage. (Unless the definer is a member of the Women’s Liberation Movement, in which case a Go-Go dancer is a pathetic victim of flagrant sexist exploitation to benefit the physical gratification of men. See definition of “Men” above.)

BABIES: Infants or children too young to talk or walk. (Unles they’re being described by an expert on ecology, in which case babies are unwelcome additions to the ever-growing population explosion, as well as future polluters of our air and water and prospective wasters of our precious natural resources.)

ARSONIST: A person who commits the crime of intentionally setting a fire. (Unless he’s a protester setting fire to a police car, in which case he’s a revolutionary protesting the repressive minions of a totalitarian government.)

BOMB: A container filled with an explosive charge or chemical substance. (Unless it’s planted in the mathematics centre of a large university campus, in which case it’s a protest against the involvement of education with military research into weapons designed to promote warfare.)

LOOTER: A person who plunders or pillages. (Unless he’s taking part in a protest march, and smashes a few store windows along the route, in which case he’s a revolutionary making a valid protest against the bourgeois capitalistic system or protesting his country’s defeat in a soccer match.)

JAIL: a prison for people being punished for offenses such as arson, bombing and looting. (Unless those being detained are protesters, in which case, jail is just another repressive capitalist measure designed to suspend their civil liberties by locking them up in uncomfortable quarters without the comforts of life to which they are entitled to become accustomed.)